We are back with another list of Christmas characters, last year we did the Christmas Character Fantasy Draft and this year it’s our bench strength. When our favorite characters are already picked, who do we pick to fill our bench? As always there a lot of characters to choose from. Who would you pick? Tell us in the comments, we are always looking for feedback and we even love to be told we are wrong. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
I went deep on some of these and maybe also included some obvious ones. I know I need a strong bench and I want characters with values and a great work ethic. I also wanted to pick some fun characters. I kept villains off the list and went straight for good-natured people except maybe the Doctor character, although I think he means well. Enjoy the list!
- Bob Cratchit (Scrooge) – This is the Cratchit from the 1970 musical film. this guy is loyal, dependable, honest, and if he can manage Scrooge up on a daily basis he can be on my team.
- Doctor (The Year Without a Santa Claus) – This sweet bastard has one of the worst bedside manners ever. Outside Mrs. Claus, he is the only human to know of Santa’s existence and talks him into not doing his one job.
- Cindy Lou Who (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas) – The only Who in Whoville who isn’t scared of the Grinch. She’s got guts and a childlike wonder needed at Christmas Time.
- Mother Nature (The Year Without a Santa Claus) – She is good at solving disputes and would be a strong presence in the clubhouse, plus she control the freaking weather!
- The Doll on Misfit Island (Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer) – If I had to choose a misfit toy, who would I choose, a train with square wheels, a Charlie-in-the-Box? No way, I am going with the doll that may be crazy.
- Crystal (Frosty’s Winter Wonderland) – Frosty’s wife, she is the Bride of Frankenstein of Christmas cartoons. She is loyal and a partner equal to Frosty.
- Charlie Brown (A Charlie Brown’s Christmas) – He may be a blockhead but despite the bullying of the whole miserable Peanuts gang he has a mostly positive outlook.
- Aaron (The Little Drummer Boy) – I thought Nestor had it rough, this religious Ringo had a very dark path to the manger. The most tragic part was The Little Drummer Boy II.
- Kris Kringle (Santa Claus is Coming to Town) – Probably the least dick Santa of all the specials, he is never grumpy and this Kris has vision and problem solving skills.
- Sgt. Al Powell (Die Hard) – For this post, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Powell works on Christmas and is loyal to someone he doesn’t know, he is either naïve or a good judge of character. His super power is Twinkies.
Bonus: Hanukkah Harry (Saturday Night Live) – SNL has had some of the best Christmas characters but I am cheating a bit and going with their best Hanukkah character Hanukkah Harry. Jon Lovitz may be known as that Liar guy but for me it’s Harry.
MG: I’m still not sold on Die-Hard-as-Christmas, but I’ll get on board with Al Powell because he’s one of the best sidekick characters of all time (“They’re turning my car into swiss cheese!”). If Disney bought the Rudolph franchise they would do a Disney + spinoff show for every one of the misfit toys. Bob Cratchit had a great work ethic and put up with a lot of crap to support his family. In today’s world he’d quit after 1 week, go on welfare and sue Scrooge for a hostile work environment. Mother Nature is the only level-headed character with her shit together on YWASC. Charlie Brown is good on the bench just don’t sub him in for your kicker or you’ll get 0 points.
Wow, we’ve covered quite a few of the classic Christmas characters already, so I’m wondering who’s left. Rankin-Bass sure gave us plenty of material, though, and they were always good about creating interesting sidekicks and supporting characters. As tempting as it is to fill my whole bench with the Island Of Misfit Toys, I’ll restrain myself and offer a more varied list.
- Topper The Penguin (Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town) – Topper is heading to the South Pole and accidentally bumps into Kris Kringle, after which they become like road-trip buddies.
- Hermey (Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer) – I know we’ve already got a lot of characters from this show, but I’d be remiss not to mention the only character (perhaps in all of pop culture) with a dream of becoming a dentist.
- Hocus Pocus (Frosty the Snowman) – Hocus is a righteous rabbit who stands up to his mean boss/owner and returns the magic hat to Frosty, then joins him on his journey to the North Pole.
- The Ghost Of Christmas Past (Scrooged) – I’m not sure if this 1988 film would still hold up today, but Buster Poindexter’s smoking, obnoxious Brooklyn cab driver was a memorable character from this film.
- The Tasmanian Devil (“Fright Before Christmas”, Looney Tunes) – There were some inspired moments in this sketch, like when Bugs offers the Tasmanian Devil some popcorn, which he swallows unpopped, and then it starts popping in his belly because he’s next to the fire.
- One Million B.C (Rudolph’s Shiny New Year) – or “O.M.” for short. OM is a cool caveman and Rudolph’s companion throughout his travels through the “Archipelagos of Last Years”.
- Father Mouse (‘Twas the Night Before Christmas) – It’s tough being a parent, especially when your child ruins Christmas. But he calmly perseveres and guides his wayward son towards redemption and fixing his mistake.
- Boba Fett (The Star Wars Holiday Special) – One of the most famous supporting/cameo roles in a holiday special. As referenced in The Mandalorian, he rode a Mythosaur. He pretended to be a friend to Chewie and Han until R2-D2 discovered his true intentions.
- Papa Elf (Elf) – Bob Newhart is great in this small supporting role, breaking the news to Buddy about his upbringing in a way that is both dry-witted and caring.
- Charlie-In-The-Box (Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer) – Ok, I have to have one misfit toy on my list. His anguished lament “Nobody wants a Charlie-in-the-box!” is a Christmas classic.
DJ: I love you bringing in the animal population. Topper is clearly undervalued as is Hocus Pocus. O.M. was an inspired pick as I thought maybe Ben Franklin would make my list but didn’t. I almost picked Happy (Baby New Year) but he was kind of a cry baby that gave up way too easy. Boba Fett is as much of a stretch as my Al Powell but it’s a nice way to check The Mandalorian at the same time.